L Y R I C S

"THE NOSE JOB SONG"

It was my
First day back at school—
It seemed that things were cool.
The guys were saying I looked great.
I thought I’d made a clean escape.

Then up comes bitchy Kim,
She asks, “Where have you been?”
With that bleach-toothed perfect grin,
And her fake-baked tan skin,
And her body way too thin,
And she asks, where have I been?

But I stay calm.
I say, “Atlanta.
I was helping out my aunt, A
Real nice lady, but who’s sick.
I had to get down there real quick.”

Then Kim gives me a smile,
With her face all turning vile,
And she pauses for a while,
Cause that drama is her style,
Then she yells like I’m on trial,
“You had it done!”

“Well!
Yes, I had it done
And I am glad I did!
At least my face is pretty—
Yours looks like an ugly squid!”

CHORUS
I got a nose job! (we got a nose job!)
I got a nose job! (we got a nose job!)
I let them cut my face but I am pretty now.

Rachel had it done
When she took a trip to London.
Kara changed her nose
When she got all that new clothes.
Then Stacey joined the gang
And her new nose was a bang!
Laurie ditched that witchy hook
And go herself a new look.
Then came Kelly Smith and Gloria and Reena,
Tiffany and Jessica and Madeline and Tina.
All the girls they followed.
All the girls they did it.
You know you need a new nose
Just face the truth—admit it!

CHORUS
You need a nose job. (you need a nose job!)
You need a nose job. (you need a nose job!)
Just let them cut your face then you'll be pretty too.

All the girls they followed.
All the girls they did it.
You know you need a new nose
Just face the truth—admit it!

CHORUS
You need a nose job. (you need a nose job!)
You need a nose job. (you need a nose job!)
Just let them cut your face then you’ll be pretty too.

"THE RUMOR SONG"

So I can't help it if the rumors I start they believe
But Kim said, “Your shirt’s from Walmart!”
So she didn’t really leave me any options but to start them.
What else could I do?
I found the first girl passing by and say, “Guess what I heard is true?”

I said,
“Kim looks like she needs rehab with her eyes all blood-shot.
Her belly’s getting big and her mind is just not
What it should be.
Oh, excuse me. I forgot.
Kim never was smart!”
And see that’s where the rumors, that’s where they got their start.

They now say:
“Kim’s a drug addict and she’s pushing pills.”
“She’s got a baby in Vegas and poor thing fell from a window sill.”
“She might be retarded, or at least badly delayed.”
“She’s a Scientologist now.”
But that one somebody else made up.

So the rumors, they continue
And Kim cries every night.
But is that really my fault?
Do I not have the right
To just
Talk?
Say my feelings. So who cares if they’re mean?
That’s the way that we bond,
‘Cause being mean is our girl scene!

CHORUS
‘Cause girls we talk
And girls we gossip
And girls we may spread rumors that are mean,
But you might as well just play the game
‘Cause nothing’s gonna change.

Okay, so I’m not perfect. So I have a few flaws.
But, it’s not like I’m a murderer—I’m not breaking any laws.
But I guess that’s not good enough for you on your high horse.
Would you rather I not have any non-violent recourse?
So—
If Kim disses my clothes should I be like a boy and punch her in the face?
Is that what you’re saying? And that would not be a disgrace?
Like rumors?
I don’t buy it.
I’m not hitting some chick.
I’d rather
Say she turns tricks
And she is dumb as a brick
And her thighs are too thick
And she makes us all sick!

CHORUS
‘Cause girls we talk
And girls we gossip
And girls we may spread rumors that are mean,
But you might as well just play the game
‘Cause nothing’s gonna change.

CHORUS INSULTS
You can’t afford botox!
You failed kindergarten!
You live in the subway!
You love Tom Cruise!
You can’t even do yoga!
You use Head-n-Shoulders!
You like books!
You don’t even use MySpace!
Your dad’s your cousin!
You have arms for legs!
You got an A in Physics!
You know how to square dance!
You were Captain Kirk for Halloween!
Your dog’s a mutt!
Your boyfriend’s cheating on you!
You eat brownies!

Your nose is real…